Emotional Intelligence 2.0 (Jean Greaves and Travis Bradberry)

Introduction


 
What do you think is the formula for success? Do you think it can be reduced to just one factor? Do you consider building relationships as a part of success? Do your feelings have a place in your career?In this book, you’ll learn why people with average IQs often (70%) outperform people with high IQs. This is surprising as people with high IQs only outperform people with average IQs only sometimes (20%). 
 
The reason behind this is that, having a high intelligence quotient doesn’t come with emotional intelligence (EQ). The latter has four dimensions which are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.In the self-awareness part, you’ll understand why it’s important to connect with your emotions. In the self-management section, you’ll see why it’s crucial to be self-aware.
 
Through social awareness, you’ll realize how you’ve been listening and observing people the wrong way. Finally, in relationship management, you’ll see the positive outcome of putting all of these dimensions together.Working on yourself can be a confusing journey. You don’t exactly know which parts of yourself you need to improve. Tuning to your emotional intelligence can help you with this. This book will teach you how to get in touch with your EQ and how to become a better person.


 
What’s Emotional Intelligence?


 
Back then, people thought that having a high level of IQ was the only factor of success. Companies would surely hire you if you were ridiculously smart. However, results of some oriented studies were confusing. It was revealed, through these scrutinies, that only 20% of the people with high IQs could outperform people with average IQs. 
 
Researchers have been left scratching their heads over the following results. Up to 70% of the people with average IQs could outperform people with high IQs. After years of research, it was revealed that emotional intelligence (EQ) played a crucial part in one’s success. 
 
Emotional intelligence refers to your ability to recognize and acknowledge your own emotions as well as other people’s emotions. EQ, also, makes use of this awareness to help you improve your behavior and your relationships. Now that you know that there’s such a thing as emotional intelligence, you are probably wondering about its importance. 
 
Well, if you want to land a job, you need to work on your EQ, which is , also, important when it comes to nurturing your relationships. In a study done by the authors of the book, it was shown that emotional intelligence is the “foundation” of fundamental skills. Think of EQ as the trunk of the tree and of communication, empathy, time management, etc. as its leaves. 
 
EQ is so crucial that it makes 58% of a person’s success in their job performance. Your emotional intelligence can make or break you. If you want to be successful and fulfilled, you need to work on your emotional intelligence skills first. In the next chapters, we will discuss the four dimensions of EQ.

The First Dimension of Emotional Intelligence: Self-Awareness


 
When you’re self-aware, you are able to understand what you’re feeling in every situation. Working on your self-awareness means spending time thinking about your emotions. What makes you angry? What brings you happiness? You need to understand why something brings out a reaction in you. If you take the time to observe yourself, you’d be surprised at how much you can learn.
 
Imagine the following scenario: You had a bad day at work because your boss blamed you for a missed deadline. You’re trying so hard to control your anger. You want to scream at him because it wasn’t your fault; it was your co-worker’s. Before you get the chance to explain yourself, your boss dismisses you. By the time you get home, your face has turned an angry shade of red.
 
Then, you see your child playing in the mud. You scream at him, saying that he’s getting dirt all over himself. He cries because he’s scared of how angry you got, even though, on a normal day, you wouldn’t have minded it. Later, the realization hits you hard, and you feel guilty. You’ve been redirecting your anger towards your child whenever things got bad at work.
 
If you want to make use of self-awareness in this situation, try to see if what you’re doing is right. You know it isn’t; because it’s unfair to your child. Being self-aware will help you know what you should be doing in such situation.
 
If you had self-awareness, you would able to work on yourself in a healthy way. You would not be scared of understanding your emotions, and you’d know how to deal with them when needed. Emotions can go as far as to hold you back. If you’re always scared yet you don’t know what you’re scared of; this will make you lose lots of opportunities. The same process applies to anger taking a hold on you. If you knew the dark side of yourself and you could do something about it, you’d be able to reach your full potential.
 
The authors of this book, along with other researchers, created an Emotional Intelligence Appraisal Test. It helps you learn more about your EQ, and gives your scores on areas you’re good at and areas which you need to work on. 
 
Dave, a regional service manager, has a score of 95 in the EQ Appraisal test. This means that he is in touch with his EQ. But, Dave didn’t start with a big score. He took the necessary steps to increase it, and it paid off. As Dave improved himself, people who work with him noticed the difference .His co-workers said that Dave was more determined and hardworking. Whenever the team experienced a major setback, Dave would only frown. Then, he’d get to work on finding a solution to the setback.
 
Tina is a marketing manager. She has a self-awareness score of 69. Her co-workers noticed that she doesn’t work well under pressure, and that she gets frustrated easily. Tina allows her emotions to consume her, and she ends up pushing her frustration into other people. It would be best for her to understand her behavior so that she can work on herself through it. 


 
Self-Awareness Strategies


 
It can be hard to determine if you’re at a stage whereby you can say that you’re self-aware. There’s no visible finish line for this. Self-awareness is a journey you’d take throughout your life. It’s knowing who you really are deep down.
 
When you’re not in touch with your emotions, they’ll have a strange way of coming out. They’ll even surprise you, since they might resurface in no time. You’re surprised by the fact that a simple “no” can leave you miserable for days; or perhaps, you get fuming mad when someone messes up with you just a little bit. In other words, your feelings in a particular situation aren’t proportional to the situation itself. It’s your emotions’ way of telling you that you need to sort it out.
 
You need to be honest when it comes to being self-aware. You’ll know you’re on the right path when you start noticing things about yourself that you weren’t aware of before; for instance, realizing that you’re pushing your anger into other people. Another situation would be: realizing that you blow things out of proportion.
 
The authors have suggested a strategy to help you become more self-aware. The strategy is called “Observe the Ripple Effect”.Just like a piece of stone being dropped in water, your emotions can create waves in other people. A manager who shouts at and insults an employee in front of the other employees has created a wave. It might seem like the employee who was being shouted at is the only one affected.
 
But, the others who witnessed it felt like they were the subject of their manager’s anger as well. They spend the day dreading their turn to face the wrath of their boss. You should remember that your emotions do not only affect you; but, they affect other people as well. Observe the ripple effect your emotions have on other people. You can even ask the people affected by your emotions to tell you what they felt about it. When you’re able to understand the impact your emotions have, you’ll know what kind of ripple effect you want to have.

The Second Dimension of Emotional Intelligence: Self-Management


 
Self-management depends on your self-awareness. It’s your ability to use your awareness of your emotions. You use it by being flexible when it comes to your emotions. It’s directing your behaviors to have a positive impact on you and on other people. Simply put, self-management is knowing how to manage your emotional reactions towards everything and everyone. Emotions can mess up your judgment; so, knowing how to work your way through this is an essential skill.
 
Self-management is all about delaying your momentary needs. Your momentary need could be cussing out a co-worker you hate so much. You delay or stop your momentary need from taking a hold on you as you have a much more important goal. In this situation, you don’t get angry at your co-worker because you have a goal to reach, such as finishing a project. 
 
It won’t be easy to contain yourself. Thus, your commitment to self-management will be put to the test multiple times. Success will be in your hands when you don’t let your momentary needs get the best of you.On the EQ test, Lane, a healthcare administrator, has a self-management score of 93. People who work with Lane say that she’s patient and understanding, even when discussions get heated.
 
While other people let their emotions get the best of them, Lane remains calm. When it comes to performing difficult tasks, such as terminating an employee, Lane is sensitive, but she doesn’t beat around the bush. She also communicates effectively. A lot of people turn to her when a crisis occurs. 
 
Mei, a regional sales director, has a self-management score of 61. When Mei is in a bad mood, it affects all of the people in the office. She practically radiates negativity. Since she’s a leader, it stresses out other people as well.


 
Self-Management Strategies
 


Self-management isn’t just your ability to control your emotions. The authors compare our emotions to a volcano. There are different things happening below the surface before we see the lava coming out of it. Similarly, there’s a lot of stuff happening inside you before you burst out in a fury.These emotions are the ones you should look for. Of course, self-management won’t happen without self-awareness. You need to identify with what you’re feeling. You can’t exactly respond to an emotion if you’re not aware of the fact that you’re feeling it.
 
When you’re able to self-manage, you’re ensuring your road to success. It, also, means that you won’t frustrate other people, or worse, make them hate you. Many good things come from being aware of your own emotions (self-awareness) and knowing how to respond to declared emotions (self-management). You can take control of a complex problem and achieve your goals. Self-management, also, brings flexibility. You react well to change, and you don’t get mad about it. This helps you make wise and productive decisions.
 
The authors suggest this strategy: create an emotion versus reason list.Creating an emotion versus reason list helps you in making the right decision. Most of the time, your emotions and your rational mind are at war. One side wants you to go this way, while the other side wants you to go the other way. If you don’t know which side you’re going with, pull out a blank piece of paper and draw a line in the middle. 
 
A list will help you clear your mind. In the left column, write what your emotions are telling you to do. In the right column, write what your reason is telling you to do. Next, ask yourself these questions: Where does emotion cloud your judgement? And where does your rational mind ignore the signals your emotions are giving?
 
You’ve probably experienced moments when you let your feelings get in the way. But, being rational all the time isn’t good either. It makes you feel and act like a robot. The next time you’re stuck on what direction to choose, use the list recommended. It will help you organize your thoughts and make good decisions.

The Third Dimension of Emotional Intelligence: Social Awareness


 
This is the same as self-awareness; but this time, it’s about other people. It’s when you know the emotions of the other person, and understand why they’re feeling that way. It can be hard to do this, especially if the emotions of others don’t match with your own thoughts and feelings. When you consider what the other person is feeling, it can help you stay focused. It can, also, help you in catching up with information that you didn’t notice before.
 
Social awareness has only two elements: listening and observing. If you want to do these two things well, you need to stop talking, and you need to stop thinking about your next argument. Let go of your selfish concerns. Focus on what the other person needs. Listen and observe carefully then you will understand what the other person feels. 
 
Alfonso is a pharmaceutical sales manager. He has a social awareness score of 96. People at work praise him for being able to read the emotions of others. It’s because of this that he’s able to build and nurture relationships with other people smoothly. Whenever his team gets frustrated, they know they can approach Alfonso. This is, also, the reason why a lot of people are loyal to him. As for the clients, Alfonso is a big hit, and they continue to be patrons of the store.
 
Craig is an attorney who has a social awareness score of 55. This score is evident with the way he interacts with the people he works with. They say that Craig needs to be more patient and considerate. It’s clear that he doesn’t try to understand what people are feeling and thinking. Craig only pays attention to what people are saying, just so that he can come up with a reply. He doesn’t really listen to what other people say, which can be discouraging. Craig comes out as unwilling because he refuses to include the input of other people.


 
Social Awareness Strategies


 
Self-awareness is all about looking inward to learn about yourself. Social awareness is looking outward to learn about other people. Being socially aware will help you recognize and understand the feelings of others. Why is this important? It is so because you’ll know how to strengthen your relationship. It will, also, help you in getting to know the person more.Social awareness is when you know you should postpone asking for a favor because your friend is in a bad mood. It’s when you approach a lonely student because you know they want to make friends.
 
Social awareness will, also, help you in understanding other people’s nonverbal cues, such as body language.Here is a strategy to help you in becoming socially aware: watch body language. A lot of us tend to say one thing yet mean another thing. Knowing how to read body language can make things clearer to us. Body language doesn’t lie. You can see from it what other people are really feeling. Once you know this, you’ll be able to know what to say, or how to respond. 
 
To read a person, do a whole-body language assessment. Start with the person’s eyes. They can communicate a lot! However, don’t stare too much because you’ll come off creepy. Regular eye contact can show that the person is trustworthy and sincere. Breaking eye contact suggests uneasiness or deception.
 
Smiles tell a lot as well. A smile is sincere if there’s a crinkle in the corner of the eyes. If it’s not there, the smile is most likely fake. Concerning the body, one can wonder whether their posture is tense or relaxed. Once you get the hang of it, you’ll soon take a person’s body language into account, and not just what they’re saying.

The Fourth Dimension of Emotional Intelligence: Relationship Management


 
Relationship management requires the previous EQ skills mentioned i.e. self-awareness, self-management, and social awareness. Successfully managing a relationship requires awareness of your own emotions as well as those of others. Relationship management has a lot of benefits. It can help you communicate more effectively, and it can build strong connections with other people. The more you work on improving your relationship management, the more you feel its effects. You’ll find yourself understanding other people more, and you’ll be aware of how exactly you treat them, and how to make changes if needed.
 
If you can’t build a relationship with someone, it will be hard to get your point across to them.   In order for people to listen to you, you need to practice relationship management. This can be particularly hard to do in stressful situations. A study done by the authors showed that more than 70% of participants had difficulty handling stress. No wonder it’s hard to build healthy relationships, especially at work where stress levels are high. People explode and let their anger get the best of them. Some don’t initiate productive conversations, or hate to be a part of it.
 
Other people remain passive and think that the stressful atmosphere is something out of their hands. Relationship management can help you avoid all of these scenarios.Gail is a chief financial officer. He has a relationship management score of 95. People who work with her feel like they can talk to her anytime. She can read other people, and she creates a safe space for sensitive discussions. Her relationship with her co-workers is both intimate and professional.
 
When it comes to lifting other people up, Gail never fails to praise people who are doing a good job. Even if you’ve made a mistake, she helps you learn from it, and she doesn’t humiliate anyone. 
 
Drew, a sales manager, has a relationship management score of 66. People who work with him have observed that he views people as a threat when they disagree with him. Drew does this publicly, which can create a ripple effect on other people. The person he calls a threat will, henceforth, be seen by other people as a threat. Instead of unifying his employees, Drew is creating gaps between them, due to his personal evaluation.
 


Relationship Management Strategies


 
Relationships take a lot of energy and effort to work on. It can be frustrating but putting in the effort to nurture it will be worth it. Remember that relationship management needs other EQ dimensions. You need to be self-aware of your feelings. You, also, use self-management to express your feelings to the other person accordingly. Lastly, you use your social awareness to respond to what the other person needs and feels.
 
A strategy suggested by the authors to improve your relationship management is being open and being curious. Yes, getting to know people at work is not easy. You might even dread it. But ultimately, maintaining relationships is a hidden part of your job description.Being open to your co-workers is the first step. You share information about yourself with them. If you’re uncomfortable with opening up, you can start with just small details. When people get to know more about you, they will not misunderstand you.
 
For instance, your face shows you’re annoyed when someone comes in late to your presentation. Other people will think you’re just uptight and strict. But, if you tell them that you were in the Marines before, your co-workers will understand where your need for punctuality comes from.
 
Being open and curious is a two-way street. You need to know more about people, as well, so that you won’t misinterpret them. Ask them personal questions, and be interested in what they have to say. Try as much as possible not to ask judgmental questions.For example, if you ask someone: “Why on Earth did you majored in Philosophy?”; that person will automatically feel defensive and uncomfortable towards you. Instead, you can say “Wow, philosophy! What do you like most about it?” Because your tone is friendly, that person will, also, be friendly to you.  

Conclusion


 
Through this book, you learned about emotional intelligence or EQ. Your EQ plays a huge role when it comes to achieving success. Emotional intelligence refers to your ability to understand your own emotions and the emotions of other people. You use this ability to improve yourself and your relationships.
 
There are four dimensions when it comes to your EQ. These are self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management. Self-awareness is knowing what emotions you’re feeling in every situation. You deal with your feelings head-on because you know that working through them will help you get to know yourself better.
 
Self-management depends on your self-awareness. You know how to manage your emotional reactions, and you don’t let them control you. Successfully managing yourself can stop you from making rash decisions. It can, also, prevent you from saying things you don’t mean.Social awareness is like self-awareness; but, the former deals with other people. Recognizing and understanding other people’s emotions can be achieved through two things: listening and observing. When you talk to other people, don’t listen just to respond. Observe their behavior, so you’ll know how to best approach them.
 
Relationship management needs all the previously mentioned EQ skills. A good relationship takes time to build; but, it has multiple benefits. You use your self-awareness and your social-consciousness to place emotions. Then, you communicate from there. Relationship management, also, means resolving conflicts effectively. 
 
Working on yourself and on your relationships with other people won’t be easy.We have different personalities and attitudes, after all. But these things are necessary because it will help you become a better person. Not only that, you’ll, also, open yourself up to more opportunities and relationships.
 
Never stop working on yourself. As for establishing relationships, remember that no “man is an island”. You might think that you can do it all on your own; but, that’s impossible. The connections we have with people make our lives meaningful and satisfying. Improve yourself because you deserve it. Other people deserve to see the best version of yourself too. 


We will be happy to hear your thoughts

Leave a reply

free books
Logo